She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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