Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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