I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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