I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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