peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
