WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
