She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
