Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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