last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
