In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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