He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
