It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I did not marry a roomba.
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