some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
