There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Houston, we have a blender
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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