maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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