You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
