You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
