He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
