Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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