So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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