Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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