just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
