you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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