it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
