i think i have herpe
just one?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
