you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
