i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
