So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
