this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
