a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
