yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
