hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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