I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
