I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
