Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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