I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
