I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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