My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
