He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
