That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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