Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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