I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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