I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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