she woke up with a sticky ear
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
