why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ugly people sure do ruin things
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
