sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
