Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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