I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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