Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
