Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're making bets on your personal life
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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