i jhust puked up my retainher.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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