My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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