I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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