the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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