the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
